Ways to help a friend come out of a difficult divorce: Sometimes as friends we don’t what to do when a close associate or friend is coming out of a divorce.
Here are some guidelines to help us wade through these difficult moments:
1. Healing takes time: Often grief is seen as a race and the person going through this is made to think this is a rat race. It is important as friends not to expect healing to happen in our timeline. Everybody grieves differently and so it is important to allow the individual to grieve in the way that the individual is comfortable in. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time. In the Asian culture, men are often not encouraged to express what they feel. It is important to voice out those hurts, process the emotions in it and to find support in friends that are non – judgmental. Can I be that supportive, non – judgemental friend?
2. Be a good listener: “It’s important that you have relational support!” What generally will happen is that people don’t want to perhaps share what they are going through and how they are feeling. Be intentional about being there for the individual is crucial to help the individual heal. Sit with them and share in their sadness. Let them feel the support that they need at this time.
3. Practice Excellent Self-Care
Allow the individual to get enough sleep and rest. It is important to help the induvial see that there is no substitute for healthy eating, sleep and rest. Resist the need to indulge in medication to dull the pain or even indulging in substance abuse to take the pain away. This will only bring more harm than gain.
4. Dig deeper:
Anger is a natural theme that comes in when handling a divorce. Rather than telling the individual to not feel anger, pursue where this anger is coming from. Help them to unpack why they are feeling this emotion. Discover what are some statements that look like expectations and what are some statements that are demeaning. Help them to work through those emotions. If this seems hard, engage the help of a therapist who can help them deal with all this anger.
5. Allow them to write it out:
When the individual is sad and hurt, what often helps is to keep a journal and write down what they are feeling and going through. Allowing them a space to be themselves and to write out what they are feeling will give them a lot of solace and comfort. The feeling of keeping it all bottled up is dangerous. It is much more freeing for the individual when they engage in such activities.
6. Inspire to learn from the hurt:
Often what happens when the hurt is gone, there is no reflection. Deep inner reflection is important for the individual to learn some lessons and grow beyond the hurt. The individual comes out stronger and more resilient to handle the future. These are all qualities that need to be cashed in. Reminding oneself of these lessons learnt will become stepping stones for the individual to succeed. Pay close attention to the lessons learnt.
7. Forgiveness
Talking about forgiveness to your friend is important as it helps the individual to move on. Holding on to grudges and situations that caused hurt will only turn into bitterness in the long run. Once bitterness sets in then it takes over everything that the friend does.
Being a friend during these difficult times is important. We all need a support group that will help us in those difficult times to keep our heads on our shoulders.
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