When a loved one struggles with alcoholism, it can make us feel helpless and heartbroken. The hurt lies more in the harsh reality that your bond has been quickly replaced and they care more about satisfying their craving over anything else. It’s hard to ignore and anger may surface as you watch them they compromise relationships, values, priorities and self-respect. Although we cannot control or change them, we can provide a safe and supportive relationship for each your loved one to make good choices. In the process of helping it is also crucial to draw the boundaries by acknowledging that you are not to be blamed or responsible for their actions.
Writer Melinda Saranchock, M.A. in Psychology states, “In these difficult times of the global pandemic, economic uncertainty, and high unemployment, many people are drinking more than they used to in an attempt to relieve stress … Consuming alcohol to cope with stress, deal with difficulties, or to avoid feeling bad, may be a sign that your loved one’s drinking has become a problem.”
It can be nerve-wrecking and a difficult conversation to have, since your loved one may feel offended or deny they have a problem, yet it is important to remember the following:
· You are not responsible for how they respond, you are simply doing what is necessary, because you care about your friend/family member
· You can create a favorable setting: Choose a comfortable setting where your friend feels at ease and not feel cornered. Remove any distractions and prepare them to hear some feedback from your side, without making it seem too serious.
· You cannot control them from poor decisions. All you can do is offer helpful alternatives, it is their choice to receive it. Avoid any negative criticism that begin with “if you don’t stop, this will happen”, “you will face the consequences of your behavior”, “what are you doing? You are out of your mind”. These negative statement can simply add fuel to the fire and worsen their condition of drinking, since guilt and stress are strong motivators for intoxication.
· You can express your concern calmly. Share your apprehensions about their choices and the impact it has had on their personal and professional life, using a compassionate and non-judgmental tone. Your aim should be to convey your love without imposing your ideas on them.
· You can offer a listening ear and helping hand. The underlying factor behind problem drinking is always a poor regulated negative emotion. Whether it be fear, grief, hurt, loneliness, stress, boredom etc. Once your loved one confides in you, ask them a simple question, “How can I help you?” this once again communicates that you are giving them the freedom to make their own choices and it is empowering them towards change. This may involve accompanying them as they seek out professional help or being their accountability partner.
Keep in mind that recovering from addiction is a slow process requiring tremendous patience, hence it is vital to be kind to yourself and engage in active self-care as you help your loved one. Continue reading more tips in Part 2 of Helping a Loved One Battle Alcoholism
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