The current generation is far more interested in knowing about oneself, in seeking answers to personality related questions. Older generations or dis-interested people would call the current generation as people with an extra touch of narcissism but is it really so? Since when has investing in knowing more about oneself, in wanting to know more about oneself been considered bad?
During our debriefing conversations at Meadows of Hope, a question that came up was “How do we work on our triggers if we do not know what they are?” Our usually helpful and reassuring supervisors asked us with a smile, instead to read up and come back for a discussion. We fumbled, wondering how we were to answer a discussion about a question we had no idea about. Speaking privately, we understood that there is always a Not Being Enough that has been ingrained in us from our childhood. Sharing our deepest vulnerabilities with each other, such as “What do we do if we get stuck during a session?” and our fear of losing control or saying the wrong thing, we Interns found out that we had a lot more in common in terms of our fears and “deficits” centering around Not Being Good Enough than we did in terms of classes or homework. We set to work figuring out how to beat this question, to answer it for each other more than ourselves.
In our desire to become better therapists, we forgot that therapists also should undergo personal therapy and that growth is a continuous, lifelong process with no end destination. Each stressor requires us to act differently and as we learn to make mistakes, we grow. We learn to incorporate theoretical knowledge into practical applications and we realize that we can also learn from each other. Every step is a milestone in our process and for every stumble, there is always a non-judgmental therapist with an objective view to re-orient us towards a better path.
Last week, my friend laughed at the news of a marital and family therapist getting divorced, she called it “The Great Irony” but even under her laughter I could sense the fear, the fear of opening yourself up and then being hurt, of being shamed, of being emotionally available.
Therapy is scary, opening yourself up to be vulnerable, to commit to growth, to be held accountable can be extremely frightening for those who are not yet ready or for those who simply have never had a safe space. It might seem easy, even obvious to suggest that therapists do not need help, that they have all the answers. But just because a person has an instruction manual for a bicycle does not mean that they know how to ride one. Everyone knows that meditation is helpful for reducing anxiety but very few do it when their feelings of anxiousness prop up.
As a therapist in the making, I Urge you, readers and fellow therapists to seek personal therapy yourself. There’s only so much that journaling and reflections can do without a safe space to voice it out. Alternatively, there is only so much that our friends can listen to without feeling drained. A friend could also be biased, their opinions colored by their own perceptions and life experiences. Another problem I faced when I spoke to my friends about my experiences with toxic people was their advice on how to brush it off and make new friends instead of asking me to take a long look at why I kept repeating certain patterns, expecting different results each time.
Therapy can make us look at ourselves, to use scientifically proven methods to reduce feelings of anxiety or to change delimiting beliefs. It can aid us towards the process of self-actualization, it can make us better human beings than when we started and in the end, is that not all a human being should strive towards?
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