Are you a Yes Man or a Yes Woman?
Do you find yourself readily agreeing to things especially when it is from a superior?
Is it healthy to agree to too many things?
In essence a Yes Man or a Yes Woman is a people pleaser. Harsh word, but it’s the truth. A Yes man or woman tend to always put others’ needs before their own, even at their own expense. Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser is actually a dangerous path, as it can affect your mental, physical and social well-being.
We have probably said yes more than enough times and it has caused us so much mental stress. If you feel that you are saying “yes” without even blinking an eye, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate how you view your options.
A lot of the times you have found yourself having to say “yes” to something you knew couldn’t be done. There have been instances where you’ve had to go way out of your capacity because “no” wasn’t an option. When “no” is not acceptable especially in schools and workplaces, it creates a feeling of dread. You have to commit yourself to things you know you can’t succeed at.
Say no. Easier said than done, right? If you want to change how you live your life, start by making your own decisions. One helpful way to get out of this trap of people pleasing is to understand, we can’t do it all and can’t please all. Instead, try to evaluate your priorities and put yourself first.
A “yes” culture has adverse effects on the person who can’t say no. When someone says ‘Yes’ to everything without verifying that they actually have the resources (including time, and help from others), they are being set up for failure. This leads to extreme pressures to meet demands and becomes a supreme disappointment if “yes” can’t be met.
You may think that your people-pleasing helps your relationships because it reduces confrontation, but people-pleasing actually builds a wedge between you and your loved ones. When you over-work in a relationship, the other person naturally under-works knowing that you will pick up the slack, and that isn’t healthy for either of you. Plus, relationships are about people understanding one another and connecting on a personal level. Authentic connections can’t take place when you’re always hiding your true feelings. Be the real you !
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful to others, but there’s a difference between being considerate and being a doormat. If you feel a lot of anxiety around making others happy, it may be due to a low sense of self-worth and/or fear of rejection. You probably know some people who don’t people-please but still have lots of friends, so let go of the idea that you need to be compliant to be liked. Focus on improving your own self-image and believing that you are worthy of having your needs met.
While giving yourself the freedom to say "yes" to anything is a powerful tool for getting the most out of life, it can also be a psychologically harmful mentality. Agreeing to do anything has its negatives. Constant agreement can lead to burnouts and such mental stress. One cannot simply agree to everything in life from a limited time perspective and doing so leads to you feeling frustrated and you stop expressing your opinions and your thoughts just to appease someone else.
Knowing the right balance between being open to new experiences and taking care of your individual needs is highly specific for each person. One needs to perform an honest self-evaluation to see where their weaknesses may lie and adjust their yes-no scale accordingly. If someone asks you to do something that is in line with your values, and provided this something won’t infringe too much on your ability to self-care, then say ‘yes’.
That balance is the most important.
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