One of the darkest moments of life, follow after the death of a loved one. You experience a shift of reality with new sense of void. Your mind could be spinning a hundred miles per hour, plagued with questions of what could have been done differently. If you are replaying the sequence of events, “If only… I should’ve… why didn’t I…” you’re most probably dealing with guilt.
Having regrets during grief is normal and expected during bereavement. Yet if regret goes unidentified, and suppressed for too long, it can hamper the healing process. Researchers have named several types of guilt people experience in their grief. Here are few you may identify with:
Death causation guilt: Feeling personally responsible for the cause of death.
Survival guilt: Guilty for outliving the loved one.
Grief guilt: Feeling that one is not grieving properly and dishonoring the deceased.
Role guilt: Engaging in self-blame for not being a good enough friend or family member to the deceased
Moral guilt: Feeling that the circumstances were a punishment from God
Whether you played a role in the demise of your loved one or whether you believe you did, the self-blame doesn’t go away easily. Under normal circumstances, these wounds take time to heal, and even the consoling words of well-wishers don’t have much effect. If these feelings are looming over your like a dark cloud for longer than you expected, you might be heading down the path of experiencing unhealthy grief.
What is unhealthy grief? It is a condition where a preoccupation with the loss, causes extreme distress and obstructs life functioning. It may also lead to a belief that life is not worth living anymore without the deceased. It is important to grieve healthily, or else the repercussion can be damaging not only for your emotional health but also physical health due to the weakening of the immune system. This is a preventable outcome if you can prioritize self-care during the grieving process. Read more about self-care during grief in our article here.
The circumstances may be tough, but you do not have to face it alone! Meeting with a therapist can help you see this pain as an opportunity for new growth and development. We invite to seek out professional care from our therapists or join our grief support group. At Group Therapy you can access the right kind of support in a ‘judgement free’ zone, receive the clarity you need to navigate these uncertain times and find hope in the face of loss.
Want to know more about Group Therapy? click here!
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