Sibling rivalry has been an age-old concept but perhaps never been addressed in the past as it is in the present. Rivalry is a word that is used to denote an enemy or someone that you dislike. Now when it is someone in the friends’ circle, parents generally don’t take it too hard, but when it happens to do with a sibling within the family, it ends up being a dilemma for the parents to control.
This kind of rivalry usually starts with the birth of the second child. When the parents start to take care of the younger child, care and love is divided for the older child. The older child becomes upset and the thought that the parents don’t love him or her upsets them further.
While in other situations, it just has to do with their temperament and thought process. They don’t like their parents being involved with the sibling or with any other child.
Sometimes during their childhood, they would have gone through some traumatic experience. An experience of when the child was left in the care of someone else because of a job or a medical emergency, that would have left a scar which was never addressed. The child over time has developed some insecurity about the parent’s love and care. This will cause friction when the parent shows love to the younger child or any other child.
The love and care that a child needs is crucial for its development. This can carry well into adulthood and can present issues in other relationships that the individual has later on in life.
There are many reasons for sibling rivalry, listed below are a few of them.
· As children grow, they have emerging needs. For example, when it comes to toys, children don’t like to share their toys. Especially when a particular toy is brought for the older child and if the younger child touches it or plays with it, it will cause the older child to be upset.
· This can also occur when there is a special needs child or sick child in the home and the parents are always tending to this child, it can cause the older child to be upset.
· Family dynamics play a big role in this. Sometimes a child may remind the parent of a relative who has been mean to them and the love that is shown is restricted due to that incident. When the other sibling is treated differently, that could give rise to sibling rivalry.
· How parents handle issues and conflicts between themselves also can give the child a sense of how to handle conflicts or issues in his or her life. If parents’ resort to intimidation and violence to resolve issues, the child when having difficulty with the sibling will resort to similar tactics.
What are some ways that parents can manage through this situation?
· When these issues happen between siblings, one must remember as parents that the key is to not get involved. Allow them to sort out issues.
· Separate the children and speak to them individually and with absolutely no partiality or taking sides.
· Set “acceptable behaviour rules” in the house. Teach each child how to behave when they are hurt and upset. It is important to get their take on the rules that are set and make sure that they are not bent for any one of them.
· Always be willing to spend equal time with each child and in doing what each of them likes. Don’t compromise on that. That itself will help in the healing process.
· Don’t pressure children into doing things that they don’t like, gently coax and encourage them to finish a task or to involve themselves in an activity.
· Arrange for more family bonding time to be included in the schedule through the week or month. The more time the family gets to spend with each other, the more opportunities to strengthen sibling bonding.
Get professional help:
· Make sure that you sit with a counsellor and explain the situation that is going on in the home. Sometimes with small interventions and suggestions in the way you are handling the child along with further direction from the counsellor can help the situation to resolve by itself.
· Changing a few strategies may also help, which, a counsellor will be able to assist you with.
· The counsellor will be able to help the troubled child to resolve issues for himself or herself.
Comments