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Writer's pictureMeadows Of Hope

Miscarriages, Why Does it Hurt so Much? (Part 2)



Grief is the intense pain and sadness that one goes through when there is a loss of someone or something. When it comes to the loss of a child, grief is understated often times. To understand what the individual is going through it is important to understand the grief associated with the loss. There is a lot of underlying grief coupled along with the loss of a child. This grief is spread out in stages, that need to be looked at when thinking of grieving of this nature.


Immediate response: The immediate response that a woman will go through is one of shock and disbelief, which is to be considered as normal given the circumstance and situation. Most of the times when the miscarriage happens, it happens when it is least expected. There is a sense of disbelief. “This can never happen to me.” “This may not be true.” One doesn’t think that this sort of issue would come to them or happen to them, there is often a disbelief associated with this situation.


DENIAL

There is a phase of denial where the immediate family has to very carefully deal with the individual who has gone through this loss.

One of the things that a woman who has had a miscarriage will go through is DENIAL. Denial is a form of coping, where the time line cannot be gauged in terms of denying the miscarriage sometimes for a few hours to few days to months. However, there is no denying of the intensity of the issue at hand.


The second response: The second aspect of grieving is the time where the individual feels raw emotions of pain and loss. Here there is a lot blaming and there a sense of deep sadness. Blaming themselves or others in the process is a natural process for the individual that is hurt. This phase can also have strong feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, envy of others pregnancy. If not tapped into early on by the family, it can create an adverse effect on the individual and to the family members close to the individual.


For years this aspect has not been given importance. It was considered as a taboo in the past to talk about emotions, let alone talk about the loss of a child. Even now, to a large extend, feelings like this are not acknowledged. However, significant change is happening in this aspect in recent times, in terms of the need to address these emotions and issues, there is much more awareness given to such feelings and emotions.


Some ways to help an individual going through the loss of a miscarriage is


1. Counselling care: This is something that needs careful thought and consideration. Choosing the right therapist is crucial. Once the therapeutic alliance is initiated then there will an exchange of hurtful thoughts and deep sadness. The counselling room also helps the individual to have a safe space to freely talk about their emotions and to be themselves. This kind of care helps the individual to receive the emotional and mental health that will help the individual to be the best of themselves.


2. There are sufficient resources in the market in terms of books and literature which can be made available for the individual to read about the bodily changes that will happen once a miscarriage happens. This is important to consider as it helps the individual use multiple resources to help heal.


3. Being part of a community that cares and understands these emotions are crucial and helpful. This is a major part of healing that is essential for the individual to perform and be their best version,



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