Did you know that emotional wounds have similar neurological impact as physical wounds have in our brain?
This means that the parts of the brain that get activated during a physical injury also get activated during a heartbreak or loss. This is probably individuals describe emotional pain as a crushing or piercing sensation in their chest or stomach and aches in the body. Often times this is why, many fall into drug or alcohol addiction because it literally helps them escape the intensity of the pain.
What are the types of emotional pain we experience?
Unworthy or worthless
Disapproved of, invalidated, or rejected
Not listened to or understood
Like a non-entity, or invisible
Unloved, not cared about or wanted
Insulted, disrespected
Aggressed against, taken advantage of, betrayed
Inadequate, defective, incompetent, unacceptable
Slow, stupid, foolish or silly; contemptible
Dishonorable or cowardly
Embarrassed or humiliated
Weak, helpless, or defenseless
Undeserving of time, attention, or recognition
Feeling like a failure or "loser"
Guilty, shameful, or a bad person generally
How do we notice if we are in emotional pain?
There are many signs which indicate when a person is in emotional pain, going silent and becoming distant from people often is a marker that a person is hurting.
When a person’s reactions of distress, fear or sorrow to a negative event is disproportionately more than what is experienced than most others
Another sign is when a person recalls very little about certain experiences and show little to no interest in discussing them with others
Emotional pain is also experienced in flashbacks and intrusive thoughts or images of an incident which hurt them, made them feel unsafe or wronged.
Sometimes, emotional pain does not surface in real time, but manifests through nightmares and dreams, making a person re-live their pain over and over
Emotional pain often shows its self in relationships, we can become overly needy or distant which prevents the relationship from blossoming
Why is it important to hurt well?
Emotional wounds come in all shapes forms and sizes. You can read more about it in detail in our article, “the kaleidoscope of emotional pain”. However, we have come to a conclusion that expressing it will only make us feeling worse off. We are quick to say, “No I am fine” when someone asks us if anything is wrong, this is alright if we don’t think that they provide a safe space for expression, however shutting off any opportunity to vent is a defense mechanism that won’t work for too long. The irony of healing is that often we need to feel worse in order to feel better.
Consider a pipe leak within a wall, if we paint over, it might fix the outside appearance for a little while. However it’s only a matter of time until we notice to see the paint chip off and the ugly sight of mold makes an appearance. Any smart contractor would instead break open the wall, replace the broken pipe and plaster in a new wall. Our emotional hurt often works the same way. Painting a smile over heartache can eventually hurt our relationships, productivity and confidence. Sometimes the smartest way to heal is by feeling the intensity of the pain, which doesn’t look very pleasant such as a broken wall. This is the hardest part but enables us to locate the source of the pain, so we can fix it.
Read more about healing from emotional pain the right way on our article here, “The Danger of Rumination & How to Dodge It”
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