John had received a call from dean of his daughter’s university stating that she had attending her class under the influence of alcohol. Her professors had noticed it as soon as she entered the class room and had reported it as a cause for expulsion. John was extremely upset that his daughter had been making poor choices which cost her, her education and was regretting that he should have been more involved in her life. He sought help from a family counsellor who helped him face his daughter and have a difficult conversation confronting her irresponsible behavior.
As a parent it is absolutely normal to feel disappointed, confused, worried when you discover that your child has been drinking or has lost control over their drinking habits. You may even blame yourself for not realizing that they have been abusing alcohol, anger too may surface upon the discovering lies and secrets. The reason for teens engaging in risk taking behavior is due to the fact that their brains are still “under construction” as several research studies state, “It is well established that the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age.” Hence the adolescent or young adult brain is more susceptible to developing addictions which can have lasting effects in their life.
Here are few ways to help your teen on the road to recovery from alcohol abuse:
· Utilize access to professional care: Recovering from alcoholism is a process which involves identifying the root of the problem, learning healthy coping mechanism to manage triggers, building emotional resilience and relational skills. This takes time and meticulous care, which can be taxing for family members to undergo. Usually parents and family members themselves require emotional support when they see a loved one succumbing to alcoholism. A safe place to confide and share their grievances with a support group, faith community, trusted friendships or even family counsellor is recommended. Listening to others facing the same challenges can serve as a tremendous source of comfort and support, and help develop new tools for coping. It is vital to take care of yourself before you attempt to care for another person. Remember: you cannot play the role of therapist in your child’s life, be responsible or their choices, or bear the brunt of their decisions; set clear limits on what you’re able to do and that’s where the line needs to be drawn.
· Set a system of discipline and accountability: In order to not enable your teen/young adult from regressing, it is essential to lay out the ground rules and consequences of alcohol use. This includes holding your child accountable for their behavior and allowing them to face the consequences of their decisions. Setting a system of discipline doesn’t necessarily mean howling threats and coercing them to comply. It means treating your adult child with dignity, offering them freedom with responsibility. Communicating clear consequences for defiance as well as the positive intention behind the discipline. Be careful to not use labels and demeaning statements (e.g. “you are useless”, “why can’t you be more like them”, “what’s wrong with you” etc.) that affect their confidence, this will hamper their recovery. Establish the importance of accountability by communicating that the consequences of their poor choices in the past means they must inform you about their whereabouts and social activities.
· Diffuse the original triggers and stressors of alcoholism: the tendency to abuse alcohol is always an attempt to self-medicate from the real problem of emotional pain. Emotional pain comes in all shapes and forms: low self-esteem, grief and loss, rejections and failures, trauma and stress. Developing a trusting relationship opens up the space for your adult child to confide in you about the reason why they want to escape the reality of life. Offering them undivided listening ear and compassionate environment will eventually bring them to a place where they begin to rethink their life trajectory. Help them to realize that their sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness etc. will continue to persist even if alcohol is given up, and then provide them alternative channels of fulfilling their needs. This may include spurring them on to develop authentic friendships, contributing in a social service, learning new skills and enjoying hobbies, pursuing their dreams or passions, learning how to relax in the face of stress, avoiding triggers and stressors in life.
The road to recovery is a long and tedious journey that requires grace and patience. Be prepared for relapse and don’t blame yourself if your adult child has several weak moments, your constant support will create an undeniable difference.
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