Coping well with peer influence is about getting the balance right between being yourself and fitting in with your group. Here are some ideas to help your child with this.
Build teenage confidence
Confidence can help teenagers resist negative peer influence. Confident teenagers can make safe, informed decisions and avoid people and situations that aren’t right for them. They feel comfortable and secure enough to make decisions that might go against their peer group. You can build your child’s confidence by encouraging them to try new things that give them a chance of success, and to keep trying even when things are hard. Praising your child for trying hard is important for building confidence too.
Children learn by observation. You can also be a role model for confidence, and show your child how to act confident as the first step towards feeling confident. They will start to feel confident as they make more decisions on their own.
Build teenage self-compassion
Self-compassion is being kind to yourself and treating yourself with the same warmth, care and understanding you’d give to someone you care about like a family member or a friend. When teenagers have self-compassion, it can help them handle any stress and anxiety related to peer influence. Teenagers can judge themselves very harshly – they view themselves in the context of their peer groups and the approval they receive from them.
Ensure that there is a supportive environment at home, that a child has a loving, secure, encouraging adult presence in their life. A strong relationship with you helps your child feel loved, accepted and secure. It’s important for teenage self-compassion.
Keep the lines of communication open
You can do this by staying connected to your child. Talk to them, engage them, ask them about their day and how they feel, and give weight to their emotions. This helps your child feel they can come to you to talk if they’re feeling pressured to do something they’re uncomfortable with.
Suggest ways to say no
Your child might need to have some face-saving ways to say no if they’re feeling influenced to do something they don’t want to do. It is not always easy to say no, especially if your friends might think less of you or make fun of you.
For example, friends might be encouraging your child to try smoking. Rather than simply saying ‘No, thanks’, your child could say something like, ‘No, it makes my asthma worse’, or ‘No, I don’t like the way it makes me smell’.
Give teenagers a way out
If your child feels they’re in a risky situation, it might help if they can text or phone you for back-up. You and your child could agree on a coded message for those times when your child doesn’t want to feel embarrassed in front of friends. For example, they could say that they’re checking on a sick grandparent, but you’ll know that it really means they need your help.
If your child does call you, it’s important to focus on your child’s positive choice to ask you for help, rather than on the risky situation your child is in. Your child is more likely to ask for help if they know they won’t get into trouble. If your child is more worried about getting in trouble than they are about the situation they are in, they are not likely to call you.
Encourage a wide social network
If your child has the chance to develop friendships from many sources, including sport, family activities or clubs, it will mean they’ve got plenty of options and sources of support if a friendship goes wrong. They are also exposed to different peer groups and are less likely to be overtly influenced by just one- they will have a wider, more diverse experience and be able to function within a much more varied context.
Parenting an adolescent is not easy, and teaching them to be safe and healthy can feel like a fight against the many influences in their lives. Laying the groundwork beforehand so that children feel comfortable and secure in their relationship with you can go a long way!
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