Stop right now! Are you comparing your child with another?
Most often parents get into this cycle of comparing their children with other children. While most of it is well meaning – the action leads to serious implications for the child. It can deeply affect their self -esteem and self-concept, which would take years for the child to come out of. The action is well meaning perhaps but the aspect of wanting to be better than others can prove to be counterproductive. These hurts can cause such deep impressions and emotional hurts that it results in aggression, antagonism, and resentment in the child. All these results in the pivotal growth and development of the child.
However, let us not deny the fact that we live in a very competitive world. We are parents who dream of our child progressing and becoming well settled with high achievements. This of course cannot be looked at with the eyes of comparing one child with another but rather taking the course of developing children to excel and celebrating their uniqueness in the process.
But when the parent’s major concern is only to bolster the child and his or her performance, what will result is that their confidence is badly hit.
Comparison instils a competitive spirit, and if not well communicated then it can result in negative impacts on the child. This will carry on to their adult life as well where the concept of being better than others will overrule the need to be humane.
Another aspect to consider when comparing is that each child takes criticism very differently. When a parent indulges in this kind of behaviour, it can also lead to a discontented spirit in the child. The child will grow up with feelings of inadequacy or fear. This will break or make the child. Being careful about this aspect is crucial for parents.
Some pointers to help along the way are:
1. Children should be allowed to have the space to think and act on their own:
Parents must spare some time to listen and hear what their children want to speak. They must try to understand what they are going through and what are some thoughts that they are struggling with. If they are not made to think for themselves, they will be forever following someone else’s wishes and desires and not of their own will. Allowing them space to think for themselves and understanding their capacity is crucial for their development. It will also in the future help them take responsibility for their actions.
2. Showpiece vs. human being:
Another aspect of parenting is the hard question:
What do we view our children as? Do we recognize them for having their own individuality or do we look at them as decorative pieces to be kept in the show case?
Do we look to them as trophies that we have not achieved in our lives? Do we use them as leverage or as enhancements in society?
Children have rights and their feelings can’t be bypassed because of age. They need to be loved irrespective of the fact that they are doing what you want or what they desire to do. They need to be offered understanding and in turn be understood.
3. Uniqueness cannot be underplayed.
A major aspect of uniqueness is accepting the child as he or she is. We as parents are continuously in the process of changing them but instead can we take the stance of enjoying those differences. What we consider as different and not like us must be seen as characteristics that are beautiful and precious. To see them as difficult and different would diminish the child’s self-esteem and self-concept.
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